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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Jamesheba's LiveJournal:

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Friday, September 12th, 2008
11:11 am
hi everybody
wow it's been a long time.

I'm fine and hope all of you are as well.

Especially you, Rosebud.
Wednesday, August 22nd, 2007
11:35 am
rusty happiness
hello

yup

i'm rusty but happy
Sunday, July 31st, 2005
10:18 am
It's amazink what happens to my creativity and energy whenever i flick to this identity. Like a rebirth filled with vulnerability, weakness, strength, beauty, possibility, curiosity and at the moment craving.....craving here feels quite healthy and i hope someone hears my whimperings and is attracted. yup.
i'll be back later today and will be checking in whenever i can.
7:46 am
flickering
Hi everyone on this last day of July. I shold be around most of today and certainly will be around by five o'clock this afternoon and with some rare privacy. Hope to hear from lots of you today as the old subswitch has flickered on once again.
Thursday, December 16th, 2004
1:22 pm
Hey everybody, hooray, hooray, yup subswitch lives another day
Tuesday, June 8th, 2004
10:17 am
pop quiz
quick, somebody tell me the difference between dominant and domineering.
Wednesday, May 26th, 2004
10:43 am
summing up
in spite of the lightning and the flood and the sirens and the power outage and the clouds covering the blue moon, in spite of the craving, the alter ego rampaging, the insecurities and the almost non-stop rain, my little vakay was very valuable to me thanks to the imagination, intelligence, candor,sensititivity and carink of my friends and you know who you are. yup, i knew this would be tough but yup, y'all kept me serene and attentive in my peculiar way.i imagine i'll be a bit scarce for the next little while but one of my gifts is the ability to connect with my friends as if no time has passed between our connectins. that's how i am in real life and i suppose on LJ. I found out that my real best friend has cancer and will be donning the brown bag of courage after five chemo sessions and surgery. that's been heavy on my mind but i made it through that night so far and in the process of the last couple of days i've learned more about myself and am starting to fel that maybe i'm not as old or dumb as i thought.
Thanks to y'all.
Keep me in your hearts and send me email if ya think of it.
Sunday, May 23rd, 2004
6:50 pm
buzzin'
Last night's blue moon turned into a lighning torn distraction. My attention and concentration was at times lacking due to the tempest outside and the way my computer as well as the computers of my friends kept hiccuping. i will be here again tonight and hope for better things.
i'm like a cicada spend most of my time underground and thenevery so often hit the surface and buzz awhile.
i'm buzzing now and tonight and tomorrow then back underground
come buzz with me.
i'm still glowing
Saturday, May 22nd, 2004
10:50 am
yup
"If there is one person you can't stop thinking about, post this same exact sentence in your journal
Wednesday, March 3rd, 2004
1:23 pm
blue moon crawl
hi,
crawling bACK . More comfortable with my skin and therefore more comfortable abject and craving and saying hello and pleading to be understood.
Tuesday, December 2nd, 2003
8:12 am
deactivating soon
I had one of my best sleeps in years last night because for the first time in years I was pretty much sober. I don't mean to indicate that I'm drunk every day or have been for years but last night was the first night in recent memory that i neither had a beer nor wanted to have a beer nor planned to have a beer in the future.That of course doesn't mean I'm sober either but it gave me a glimpse of what soberiety looks like and dayum I liked it.

In other words, like a lot of you, i'm tryng to make a major change. I see friends here on LJ trying to give up cigarettes and coffee and booze and other things that are getting in their way and for all of you and all of us who know the pang of temptation while glimpsing at a better life on the other side of the road....well I salute and join you.

One of the great thngs aboult life is we keep getting the chance to start our lives over again so with that in mind, my strategy is to deactivate subswitch for awhile and start over again.

If you've read this far, you're probably a true friend of mine, obviously as i make thuis change i want to continue contact with you. i've got a new LJ address "snerkfactory".
i hope those of you who are interested in me and my changes will add snerkfactory to your friends list and i will respond in kind.
snerkfactory is going to be a very plain journal with a minimum of bells and whistles only my thoughts and prayers
expressed in hope of becoming a better person.

i'm going to deactivate subswitch either later today or tomorrow.

i'm not going away
only changing
for the better i hope
It is possible to change without improving
But impossible to improve without changing.

yours sincerely
james
Tuesday, November 25th, 2003
12:10 pm
momentary return to normalcy
and then for some reason like a duck quacking in South Dakota on Roosevelt's head and expectink and echo in return, the feeling passes and everything
returns to normal
or as close to normal
as a duck quacking
on Mount Rushmore
expecting an echo
who wouldn't know an echo
if he heard one
as close to normal
as that particular duck
can get without putting
lip balm
on his bill.
Friday, November 21st, 2003
10:50 am
thinkin' a quittin'
i think i might make it through this work week. I had my doubts. Felt like quiting at least a hundred times. I always feel like quitting everything that i do. i've felt like quitting this very journal about a thousand times but I never quit, i never give up. i think about quitting constantly. i used to run marathons. I'd start thinking about quitting after about ten k which would leave me twenty miles of running with the thought of quitting on my mind almost every step of the way along with the other thought....no way I'm gonna effin quit...and then the other thought "why not" for miles and miles and years and years until the finish line is crossed and even then i come back to race and teach and love another day.
Yup, i've got issues but of course, you all know that.
That's it.
I quit.
No I don't.
Thursday, November 20th, 2003
1:55 pm
just had an urge to post this for everybody...what does it mean to you?
Robert Frost: The Road Not Taken (1915)


Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Wednesday, November 19th, 2003
7:47 am
grindstone cowboy
I expect that i'll have some breaks in my realworld grindstone today so perhaps i can play
my keyboard is right here
my mind is open
i'm not
as smart
as i
think
Thursday, November 13th, 2003
8:51 am
say
hey
Friday, November 7th, 2003
2:02 pm
tomorrow i am everybody
I was in good shape when I claimed my name was nobody. The nectar and ambrosia were plentiful. i even had twelve two handled jars of pure and firey brandy, ruby colored, honey smooth and a scent that hovered sweetly over the winebowl like a yard sale of Snapple or a blistering Miami beach buried face down under ice. Yup, absolutely good shape even though the shape was round as intergalactic string. Then I had to go and spill the beans, make sure everybody and their goats and cheese and hubris knew my name even as the rock rolled and the boulders flew. So what if i piss off or on an emperor or two. Tomorrow will be just like today except tomorrow i might change my name to everybody.

or the more poetic.....

I was in good shape.
I claimed my name
was nobody.
nectar
and ambrosia were plentiful
twelve two handled jars
pure and firey brandy
ruby colored
honey smooth
scent that hovered
sweetly over the winebowl
like a yard sale of Snapple
or a blistering Miami beach
buried face down under ice.

Yup, absolutely good shape
though the shape was round
as intergalactic string.

Then.....
I had to go spill the beans
make sure everybody
and their goats
and their cheese
and their hubris
knew my name even
as the rock rolled
as the cock crowed
as the locks load
and the boulders flew.

So what if I Piss
off or on an emperor(s)
Tomorrow
will be
Just like
Today
cept
tomorrow
my name
might be
everybody.
1:50 pm
Thursday, November 6th, 2003
11:21 am
OMG M I here all alone?
You walk into the room
With your pencil in your hand
You see somebody naked
And you say, "Who is that man ?"
You try so hard
But you don't understand
Just what you'll say
When you get home.
Because something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones ?
You raise up your head
And you ask, "Is this where it is ?"
And somebody points to you and says
"It's his"
And you says, "What's mine ?"
And somebody else says, "Where what is ?"
And you say, "Oh my God
Am I here all alone ?"
But something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones ?
You hand in your ticket
And you go watch the geek
Who immediately walks up to you
When he hears you speak
And says, "How does it feel
To be such a freak ?"
And you say, "Impossible"
As he hands you a bone.
And something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones ?
You have many contacts
Among the lumberjacks
To get you facts
When someone attacks your imagination
But nobody has any respect
Anyway they already expect you
To all give a check
To tax - deductible charity organizations.
You've been with the professors
And they've all liked your looks
With great lawyers you have
Discussed lepers and crooks
You've been through all of
F. Scott Fitzgerald's books
You're very well read
It's well known.
But something is happening here
And you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones ?
Well, the sword swallower, he comes up to you
And then he kneels
He crosses himself
And then he clicks his high heels
And without further notice
He asks you how it feels
And he says, "Here is your throat back
Thanks for the loan".
And you know something is happening
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones ?
Now you see this one - eyed midget
Shouting the word "NOW"
And you say, "For what reason ?"
And he says, "How ?"
And you say, "What does this mean ?"
And he screams back, "You're a cow
Give me some milk
Or else go home".
Because something is happening
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones ?
Well, you walk into the room
Like a camel and then you frown
You put your eyes in your pocket
And your nose on the ground
There ought to be a law
Against you comin' around
You should be made
To wear earphones.
Does something is happening
And you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones ?
10:36 am
righteous farewell
Girl, I can't let you do this
Let you walk away
Girl, how can I live through this
When you're all I wake up for each day?

Baby, you're my soul and my heart's inspiration
You're all I've got to get me by
You're my soul and my heart's inspiration
Without you baby, what good am I?

I never had much goin'
But at least I had you
How can you walk out knowin'
I ain't got nothin' left if you do?

Baby, you're my soul and my heart's inspiration
You're all I've got to get me by
You're my soul and my heart's inspiration
Without you baby, what good am I, oh what good am I?

SPOKEN: Baby, I can't make it withoutcha. And I'm, I'm tellin' ya, honey-you're my
reason for laughin', for cryin', for livin', and for dyin'.

Baby, I can't make it without you
Please, I'm begging you baby
If you go it will kill me
I swear it, Dear, my love can't bear it

You're my soul and my heart's inspiration
You're all I've got to get me by
You're my soul and my heart's inspiration
Without you baby, what good am I, what good am I?

Mm-mm-mm Mm-mm-mm
Mm-mm-mm
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